Who Got the Vocab....I Got the Vocab!?! The Craft of Conversation

As a self-professed “word girl”, my love affair with language dates back before training bras or being able to have a whole can of soda to myself.  My first leadership role was that of the “Phonics Checker” in my second grade class. Such a role spoke to my early advanced mastery of the subject and also afforded me the opportunity to use the highly coveted red pen…while the remainder of my ‘unworthy’ classmates continued to scribe their work with #2 pencils. Oh the POW-WAH!?! My love for language slowly grew and matured over the years and moved from the successful completion of schoolwork assignments to the daily way that I communicated and expressed myself to others. Around middle school was when I began to realize the different ‘speak’ with which one can communicate, dependent upon the setting of course. The way I talked to my friends wasn’t necessarily the way I talked to my Teacher or any adult for that matter. How I communicated with the boy who got on my nerves wasn’t at all like my fumbling attempts to get the cute boy five lockers down from mine to notice me.

Fast forward into high school and college when making presentations and speaking in public became commonplace, my love of language returned back to her roots…via purposefully placed ink on paper. I became a writer…a communicator of thought….an artist of wit. So I wrote my pieces. I performed my pieces. I continued to hone this craft of communication. While writing sustained one part of me, the exhilaration that I began to feel from reciprocated verbal exchange grew incessantly. Conversations were no longer created equal and those who weren’t ‘running with the big dogs’ began to phase themselves out of my regular rotation, if you will. I sought out those persons with which I could rattle off a litany of slang phrases then turn right around and have a conversation so intellectual that if it was transcribed, it could appear in the latest “Young, Black, and Getting It” Professional Journal!  I began to notice the art of conversation, the ‘dance’ of the exchange.  And how that dance can quickly go from a smoothly choreographed Samba to that one person going the wrong way in a room full of Electric Sliders!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on a first date and almost made to feel like I needed to apologize for speaking with subject/verb agreement and not necessarily having to insert “you know what I’m saying” after each of my points!?! Now don’t get me wrong, I love to interject a strong ‘where dey do dat at’ just as much as the next person ‘bout that life’….but that’s not the only way I feel comfortable expressing myself! Or how about attending a book club meeting and the first time you offer a clearly well thought out contribution to the discussion, the first reaction you get alludes to the college that you ‘must’ve gone to’ or the white people that you ‘must work around.’ C’mon son!?! I mean, this IS a book club, right!?! Since when did word usage and sentence structure in one instance denote my lack of ability to ‘loosen up’ or speak in a more casual manner. We as people should be multilayered and able to conduct ourselves in a variety of situations. Just as I’m not afraid to try cultural cuisine that I haven’t tried before or explore a street that I’ve never traveled down before (doors locked wit a full tank of gas, mind you) or listen to a genre of music with which I may not be as familiar…..I’m also not afraid of words! Well-organized, spelled, pronounced, intended, meaningful, clarifying, emotional WORDS!

I welcome the dance of language like the coveted ‘tap in’ to a double dutch session! Words are my first love….my first internal eruption into outward expression. A great conversation, to me, is like oxygen. I inhale each well-articulated syllable to be processed and interpreted, thus enabling me to exhale thoughtful responses inspiring life, love, and laughter. Aaaaahhh, that statement just felt good to construct, let alone actually write! Conversing is indeed an art. And I’d like to think of myself as an ever-evolving artiste! (Pronounced: –teeste of course) J

What's Your Alter Ego's Name?

When Beyonce’ began to refer to her on-stage presence by a completely different name, she embraced a valuable concept that all women should have the courage to acknowledge. Countless interviewers inquired about the appeal and allure of “Sasha Fierce” which would lead Madame B. to articulate how her and Sasha were almost total opposites. According to B., Sasha Fierce represented everything that she pretty much isn’t in her day to day existence. Sasha magically appears on stages across the world under the bright lights and in front of a blaring band to give performances filled with sex appeal, energy, stamina, and overall confidence. Meanwhile backstage and later on at the house, “southern gal” Beyonce’ prefers to curl up in comfy sweats, wrestle with her nephew, and eat a sizeable portion of her mama’s macaroni and cheese!

Now, what can we learn from Beyonce’s acknowledgement of Sasha Fierce as an entity unto herself? As women, we genuinely believe that ‘we are every woman.’ And while we most certainly are, I think it’s healthy to recognize those areas in our life that we are naturally comfortable navigating vs. those areas where we may need to call on some ‘characteristic reserves,’ if you will. We all possess the ability to do whatever it is that we need to do, however there will always be some situations, actions, and decisions that come a little easier to us than others. This is where your alter ego(s) come in. Perhaps it takes a lot out of you to work a room during a social gathering. Maybe you feel out of your element in the kitchen having to prepare a big meal. It could be a challenge to get up in front of a room of people and introduce yourself. How cool would it be to think of yourself as morphing into a totally different person in order to get these various tasks accomplished? I mean, this is sort of what we have to do, right? Why not embrace that ‘stretch’ of our abilities in the form of creating an empowering and motivating alter ego that will show up and show out in that particular capacity on demand!

By now you may be wondering have I myself identified any alter egos? Who are the ‘personalities’ that contribute to my unpredictable existence that brings smiles to so many faces? J Why yes, yes I have! As a true introvert, I have come a long way with my interactive capabilities. I remember being the shy girl who was terrified at the thought of public speaking and would light weight experience heart palpitations at the thought of walking into a room full of strangers and attempting to strike up a conversation. But over the years, my life has unfolded into a beautifully layered work of art that has pulled and stretched me in ways that my ‘scary’ former self couldn’t have ever imagined! Here are a couple of my alter egos that I hold near and dear:

Chet
As I attempt to live a healthier lifestyle and keep myself active, I have developed a love for physical challenges. Races, hikes, stair climbs, obstacle courses….you name it, I’m up for the challenge! It keeps the idea of being active new and exciting and sometimes I even surprise myself with what I’m able to accomplish. I may not win the race or even place, but just participating gives me such a rush! A good friend once joked with me, when I mentioned signing up for a 1,500 stair climb challenge, that I was ‘acting like a crazy white man!’ Her point being, who else would engage in such a physical challenge!?! As I initially laughed at her accusation, I then embraced it and decided to name my ‘inner white man’: Chet! Chet enjoys the rush of engaging in a new and physically challenging activity. He enjoys the prep training of pushing towards new physical goals and capabilities. He’s fearless with his approach to life and what it means to live free! So when I come across a great race or obstacle course that makes me go hmmm….I tap into Chet to not only sign up but to show up and show out in the cutest athletic gear I can find! After all I may be tapping into Chet on the inside, but a diva must maintain her appearance to the world!

Shirley
Now this alter ego was actually named by one of my colleagues. I’m a self-proclaimed ‘old soul’ so often times my advice or interpretation of life events is filled with wisdom beyond my years on this earth. In these cases, I’m tapping into Shirley! Shirley is the epitome of common sense. She can see the unseen and hear the unspoken or untold. She’s very intuitive and seeks to always find meaning from life situations. Shirley is the energy that I’m able to exude when I interact with my students on various campuses that warrants them to remain in contact with me after just one meeting. She’s the piece of me that comforts others and provides a space in which others feel safe to confide in me and sometimes ask for advice. She listens without judgment and even when I’m going through my own issues, I can tap into Shirley if a loved one needs a good long cry or a laugh to keep them going! Shirley is my intuition. She’s my direct line to beings and ideas greater than myself that I’m able to tap into in order to make positive impacts in people’s lives.

Glo

Now Glo represents the part of me who may have been raised in the suburbs but is not naïve to street etiquette either. Glo is very observant and can scan any given environment to determine it’s level of safety and the most appropriate behavior in that setting. Glo anticipates foolishness and while she tries not to put herself in drama-filled situations, she’s always knowledgeable of the nearest exits and keeps a pair of Timberland boots in her trunk….just in case! Glo is not ashamed to put an airplane bottle of alcohol in her bra before entering an establishment known to have overpriced cocktails. Glo would also eagerly join a DJ in the booth and instantly become his/her hype woman for the night if given the opportunity! She knows the words to songs that you don’t want anyone to know that you secretly like but know all the words and get pretty crunk when singing along! She can carry on a well informed conversation about a current national event and turn right around and articulate why Krispy Kreme donuts must be laced with crack or who would win in an MMA fight between Chris Brown and Wiz Khalifa. Glo is my edge. She’s the epitome of what I mean when I’m provoked to say ‘don’t let these degrees fool you!’ Now I know you know what I’m talkin bout….. ;)

Confessions of a Frequent Flyer: WTFs!?!

Confessions of a Frequent Flyer: WTF!?! Moments

As I sit here in Reagan International Airport prepared to leave D.C. to my final destination, I’m reminded of numerous instances that I’ve witnessed as a frequent flyer. While ‘jet setting’ from place to place both in and out of the country seems glamorous and exciting at first thought, the ‘hustle & bustle’ of air travel (and doing so frequently) can present some major challenges. So allow me to ‘freely move about the cabin’ of my experiences and share with you some of the moments when (as a frequent flyer) I’ve been prompted to think to myself: WTF!?! These moments will reference things that you could hear, see, smell, witness, etc. But the overarching theme, once again, is WTF!?!

Arrival to the Airport

Parking lot Z is open! There’s nothing worse than having your arrival timeline all planned out, then arriving at the airport only to realize that your usual parking lot or deck is CLOSED. As a result, you are now directed to park at the lot that’s located in a neighboring city so that you’ll then have to take a plane back to the shuttle stop, catch the shuttle, and then board your original flight! WTF!! For some reason, I’m one of those people that operates under a 50/50 chance that I’m gonna get to the airport with sufficient time to park, get through security, find my gate, and breath before boarding. Sometimes I’m good and can look cool in the airport while other times I re-enact O.J.’s Hertz commercial and get to my gate with sweat on my brow for seemingly no reason (so not a good look during the fall and winter months)! Since I’ve begun to travel more frequently, I do much better with this…but there’s always that chance. Especially when they mess up my parking flow and time that I didn’t initially account for is now ticking against me! Thank God for my newly acquired airline preferred access. In these instances, there’ll be 132 expletives used between the curb and my gate vs. 137 J

Throw yo kids from the shuttle!?! In any public place, I just want people to control their kids. I need you to be a parent and not simply a life sized action figure that’s walking your kid around! You wouldn’t believe some of the antics in which I’ve witnessed kids engage without consequence right in front of their parents’ faces! My brow all wrinkled up and hand itchin to ball up into a fist and the parent(s) look like they bout to ride a carousel on a spring day. When you get on the shuttle in particular, get on, stow your luggage, sit down, and make sure your kid sits down beside or across from you, then be still! Simple right? Don’t zone out by fiddling with your phone or tablet while your kid or kids damn near break out in a game of Duck Duck Goose amidst the rest of the passengers on this tight ass shuttle! WTF!?! All I got to say is, tap me and say ‘goose’……I’m definitely winning that round lil sir/ma’am!

Can you hear me now? Nothing is worse than being in a small confined space right beside, behind, or in front of a person who’s having a conversation on a cell phone using the same tone that the dude who says “lets get ready to rumblllleeee” before prize fights uses! WTF!?! Especially when everyone else is quiet and just trying to take this means to an end and be good citizens. Then here you come sounding like you were born with a megaphone in your larynx! Now I used to make exceptions to this pet peeve for older and/or elderly people using cell phones and being cute and old. But the fact remains that you’re talkin way too damn loud MeMa/PaPa and I need you to shut the fuck up immediately! Part of me is not totally mad at you because your (grand)son/daughter who bought you this device should’ve given you a better tutorial about it’s use and ability to pick up the sound of your voice if you just talk normal. But they did not and as a result you bout to catch this elbow to the face accompanied by a ‘with all due respect sir/ma’am’ cuz you’re annoying my travel experience right now!

Inside the Airport

Security at Security! The security checkpoints are the one place in the airport that separates the frequent travelers from the novices. The security checkpoints bring out the inner ‘I hope I’m doing this right’ bitch in all novice travelers. After being cleared to proceed from the gate, you can see the hesitation as they approach the plastic bins and begin to fiddle with their own luggage to try and find their toiletry bag as if they didn’t pack the mothafucka! So they find the toiletries then begin to watch others to give them clues as to what else they need to place into this bin. Shoes: Check! Laptop: Check! Anything in your pockets: Check! Then they get happy and start taking out all types of random shit and steadily grabbing more bins! You takin off earrings, pulling out iPods, now & laters, nail clippers, nabs…..I mean, sir/ma’am!?! All the while, ain’t moved a muscle toward the body scan nor pushed their belongings up to proceed through the scanner! WTF!?! I don’t know how many times I’ve been standing there and attempted to help folks through this process….but they don’t listen until a TSA person comes over to intervene. At that point, I go into total ‘get the fuck out my way’ mode.

Bombs over Baghdad…..with a smile. I’ve noticed while traveling that some airports have attendants strategically placed in their restrooms to ensure that the facilities are clean and that you are welcomed with a smile to the city to which you have just arrived. Nice gesture, right? Well, couple that with rounding a corner into a public airport restroom and being drop kicked in your olfactory organs by the smell of 1,000 farts and asses!?! Now I can’t even focus on the thoughtful greeting you’re trying to provide me with Madame Attendant! The first thing I’m thinking is WTF just happened in here!?! And don’t you smell that!?! OMG, will it be in your clothes when you leave outta here!?! How do you keep smiling through this shit smoke cloud that’s looming in here like a gas chamber!?! Wait, why the hell did I come in here? Oh yea, pee….quickly, quickly, quickly….. Mind you, all of this exchange is taking place internally, with myself, unbeknownst to anyone else….until now!

On your flight

Watch out for the big girl/boy  I’m an aisle seat kinda girl. I love sitting on the aisle and only having a person directly on one side of me. But sometimes, I’m not able to reserve my preferred aisle seat and must settle for a window or the dreaded middle seat. In these cases, the one thing you don’t want to see is Sherman/Charmaine Klump stop at your row and point to the seat right beside you. WTF!?! The fact of the matter is that the space provided in airplane cabins will not comfortably seat and/or provide everyone adequate space to move around. People need to start being more honest with themselves and not boarding these planes like no one see their big asses and begins to pray they’re not sitting anywhere near them! There’s nothing worse than having to sit in the infamous ‘lean’ position for an entire flight because the person next to you is wider than their seat. I won’t pretend that I’ve thought this dilemma through enough to be able to provide a solution that preserves basic human rights, but it pisses me off when I have to sit directly next to or behind (cuz they gonna recline that MF seat all the way back!) a big person on a plane. YOU KNOW YOU BIG!! STOP TRIPPIN!! WTF!?!

Children: Blessings & Demons I love children. They’re little faces, hands, and toes. Even their little farts….smell like hot garbage after only eating pureed peaches & crackers, but they sound cute! But on an airplane, some children seem to be born of the pits of Hell and sent onto your flight clearly as a repercussion for something fucked up that you did before you boarded. The little babies who cry at the drop of a hat or for some reason cannot fall asleep. #FAIL.  The toddlers who have ants and snapdragons in their pants and can’t be still. #FAIL. The elementary aged kids who have no concept of an ‘inside voice’ and feel the need to narrate their flight experience in real time while their parent simply ignores them. #FAIL. The almost middle schooler whose newly developing sense of independence prompts him/her to get up eery five minutes to go to the lavatory then return to kick & bump the shit outta your seat before they’re comfortably seated. #FAIL. The goth middle/high schooler who’d rather be anywhere else than on a plane with his/her family so the parent has to repeatedly address them for whatever reason cuz they’re ignoring the shit outta life right now. #FAIL. And the grandkid of any age who’s showin out just because they’re with grandma and not mama! #FAIL. WTF?!?

Will you be my BFF? I’ve met some interesting people during my travels. The random conversations that you will find yourself a part of with a stranger in an airport can be quite enjoyable. However, I’m not one to speak for extended periods of time while on the plane. It’s just too close of a quarters. In general, I’m not typically a ‘close talker’ so it feels a bit weird to damn near be sitting in someone’s lap that you don’t know and trying not to say too many “H” words cuz your self-conscious of your breath. And it’s funny, the people who are the most talkative ALWAYS have the WORST breath! Like something, is dead at your gum line ma’am/sir and if you ask one more question using the word ‘how’ or ‘have you’ I’mma choke you out right here in first class then order a ginger ale as I watch your body slump over into the window! And why do people only acknowledge ‘morning breath’ in the morning? If you take a nap at noon and wake up around 1:45pm….yo ass got ‘morning breath’ on 1,000 STILL! So don’t then look over at me and try to have this long conversation cuz your breath is burning my eye lashes and brows off! WTF?!? Then it’s the people who wanna talk through out the entire flight using their outside voice….about nothing! Once, a conversation about the difference in spellings & pronunciations of German words vs. English words kept me awake on a flight for about 45 minutes! WTF!?! Go to sleep hoes!?! Your conversation is making my ass itch!

Oh No He Didn't!?! Hell Date Revisited

Oh No He Didn’t!?! Hell Date Revisited

Remember watching Hell Date on BET a few years back? Hell Date, a playful dating show that created and poked fun at some less than ideal first date situations all the while taping how an unsuspecting dater would react to the crazy situations that unfolded. It’s funny how art imitates life…or in this case, how real life actually imitates art. I’ve been on some dates that made me think a little person in a devil suit was going to jump out of the nearest closet and/or Ashton Kutcher was going to present me with release papers to be able to show the episode!

So I’ve taken the liberty to compile a list of some of the craziest, most disrespectful, stupidest, weirdest, and most awkward and inappropriate questions/comments that should never be asked/made on a first date….and in some instances, in life! Whether it's a new friend, acquaintance, or romantic interest...an impression is an impression. Why be a dick for no reason and completely turn someone off who doesn’t even really know you. You’ve only presented them with an inappropriate façade and then expect benny of the doubt?!? Based on what!?! NEEEXXXTT! (my bad, wrong show….and I’m back!) You just never know how paths will cross as time goes on. So keep reading for this compilation because I promise you.....there'll be a lil shart in your pants by the end!?!

So, have you ever been pregnant?
Le sigh….now, it’s one thing to ask whether or not someone has children. But to phrase it this way is sure to be misunderstood and could get various objects thrown at you from across the table! Do you realize all that one could be asking? Maybe I had an abortion in college after a drunken night of bad decision-making……which is none of your business on a first date. Maybe I became pregnant as a result of a rape….which is also none of your business on a first date. Or maybe I miscarried my beloved child just about a month ago and now you asking me this question cuts my emotions to the white meat…..and once again at the end of the day, it’s none of your business on a first date! See the pattern?  The point is to say what you mean and mean what you say. Keep things simple on the first date. My uterine and ovarian activity is waaay too deep of a discussion to have and you don’t even know what drink I’m about to order!

I’m glad you like guns, I wanna show you one of my AK 47s. It’s in my trunk.
#PAUSE Now, immediately, I’m racking my brain because I’m trying to figure out what daily life situation would I just happen to roll up on and then think to myself: “I sure am glad I brought the AK today.” Are you effing kidding me!?! A.) Right before making this statement you also shared that you have a concealed weapons license….that is expired. (and I’m pretty sure assault rifles aren’t covered by the regular citizen’s concealed weapons license anyway!) B.) You did say that you want to show me ONE of your AKs….so there’s another one. Yep. C.) Now, when you pop the trunk…cuz I just gotta put my eye on it to make sure this is still real life….sure enough, the AK is neatly tucked away in a little pouch right along side some picnic blankets, a change of clothes, a kid’s Leap Frog Laptop, and other random shit. True gun collectors keep their guns in a locked cabinet or display case or something. The fact that you shared this with me on the first date as if it’s okay takes me to a level of ratchet that I can’t even wrap my mind around! *Invisible cloak, activate!

Would you consider yourself sexually passive? Again, we’re talking about a FIRST DATE here, so upon hearing this very personal question I immediately shut down. Now if you’re looking for your next ‘maintenance man’ then perhaps getting some of these ‘characteristics’ out on the table as soon as possible is right up your alley. However, if you’re actually looking for a relationship….one that begins on a friendship level and then progresses into a more intimate space then you know what you have to do. Sexually passive? How about simply assertive, and you sir, are dismissed!

My divorce was finalized in April (it’s now December of the same year) and I have two kids ages 2 & 3.

REEEEDDD FLAAAAAGG ON THE PLAAAAAY! Talk about a 5-piece luggage set packed so full of ‘stuff’ that one would have to sit on each piece to finally zip ‘em up! Someone who is fresh out of a divorce AND has multiple children under the age of 5 should not be out on a date just yet. How about dealing with your emotions and figuring out how your family dynamic is going to now work. The ink ain’t dry on the divorce papers and the baby ain’t even pottying consistently but you wanna know what it would be like to meet my folks…..you don’t need to worry bout that playa!

Have you ever been on a date with someone and felt like they were ‘too good’ for you?

I’m gonna go with a no here! Sure, I may have gone out with someone who tapped into an insecurity or two…making me wonder if a dude like him would really be into a lady like me. But I also thought enough of myself NOT to express that to him. I simply played it cool because I know how good of a person I am so he betta ask somebody or it’ll be his loss! If there’s one thing I know, it’s when someone tells you who they are….BELIEVE THEM! Therefore sir, if you believe that I am too good for you (as you inferred with this simple question) then I’m gonna go out on a limb and agree with you! I’m just meeting you, so who am I to see you differently than you see yourself?!?

So what’s your ring size?

Really!?! On a first date!?! Even if I was digging this dude, I would’ve been put off a bit by this question at that time. I’m assuming he wanted to “throw that out there” to let me know he was feeling me.  (*Kanye shrug) Or maybe he was a psychopath with stalking tendencies. (*Kanye shrug) Either way, there are different levels to dating and relationship building and at the ‘first date’ level, less is definitely more. When you have limited knowledge of someone, it’s hard to give their words and actions the benefit of the doubt. And let’s be honest, in this day and age when people can create a totally new identity via the internet, a single gal better air on the side of caution! Put quite simply: flag on the proverbial play!

Now it’s your turn! What have been some of your most memorable ‘WTH first date moments?’ I can’t be the only one getting hit with these doozies!

Featured Articles on Clutch Magazine.com!

Nini is branching out ya'll! The 'randomness' that is Nini has begun to be featured on the popular, provocative, and always entertaining online Clutch Magazine!

Visit www.clutchmagonline.com and check out the following featured articles by Nini Bodine!

 

Are Certain Comments Simply Taboo for the Single Sista?!

 

Obtaining Your Passport to Perspective

 

Ballin on a Budget! Stay-cation Bus Etiquette 101

 

Read, comment, Enjoy!

Where's Our 'Best Marriage Proposal Ever?'

By now, I’m sure you’ve caught wind of the fairly recent buzz around a video on YouTube depicting ‘The Best Marriage Proposal Ever.’ (http://youtu.be/7yNdpaSBTzo) I heard a couple of radio and tv folks mention this vid prior to actually logging on to check it out and when I did…..bring on the ‘water works!’ What a touching display of joy, support, happiness, and most of all love! I was truly moved while watching the intricately choreographed performance. Then my attention shifted to the right side of the screen where similar videos are suggested for me to also watch. As I scrolled through the potential viewings, I noticed one key thing: most parties involved were predominantly white. Where were the people of color professing their love to the world (with the exception of a few folks of Asian descent who clearly hold Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” choreography in high regard!)? Most personally to my heart, where were the black men gushing all over their significant others in the hopes of making their way down someone’s aisle? Is this type of display of love and commitment a ‘white thing?’ Certainly, the all black morning show hosts that I listen to during my morning commute seem to think so. Comments such as: “Now you know a brotha wouldn’t do all that,”  “Most of the time a brotha won’t have that many friends/family who would support his decision to even get married like that,” and then a sistah chimes in “well, my man was romantic with me so I think black men will be romantic in private…but, just not to the world.” I cringed as these statements were made and co-signed with laughter and nonchalant dismissal. Just maybe it’s our mediocre expectations and standards for one another that are the problem! These attitudes (held by both black men and women) are examples of the negative implications that manifest themselves into further corroding the idea of ‘the black family unit.’

As I listened to various DJ’s continue to speak on this topic, one of them mentioned the proposal of Jim Jones to Chrissy on the first season of “Love & Hip Hop.” He brought it up as an example of a black man making a less than heartfelt proposal that was still met with tears of joy from his lady love, I almost wrecked my vehicle! No MF sir!?! I saw that episode and I thought Chrissy was a damn fool leading up to the proposal and during that casual ‘I can take you or leave you-esque’ BS. People give you what you allow them to give to you…whether it’s in the context of a friendship, familial tie, or a romantic relationship. Therefore, even though from the outside looking in, I may think Chrissy ‘deserved’ more….she won’t get it because she is gushing over a man who basically just chest bumped her as a sign of his love and commitment to their relationship!  And don't even get me started on the most recent 'proposal' from Lil Scrappy to Erika on Love & Hip Hop ATL...where the actual question was posed as 'you gon marry a nigga?' These are perfect examples of the acceptance and subsequent expectation of emotional mediocrity that is perpetuated in the black community leaving many women with a ‘less than best marriage proposal’ moment…..if even a proposal at all!

Seemingly long gone are the days of Marvin crooning to Tami about his lack of concern for the height of any mountain on his quest to get to her love…..Stevie just calling to say he loves you…..or Al adamantly professing his tiredness of being alone and needing love. A shift has happened that has completely separated the emotional capabilities of black men in that one cannot simultaneously be a veracious protector and provider while also being tender and loving. I get that it simply may not be in the nature of some men to evenly straddle this emotional spectrum. However, what I am calling out are the cultural messages that both black men and women are simply accepting and expecting that do more harm to our interactions and families than good. I certainly appreciate your efforts behind closed doors in those ‘moments for two,’ but I also appreciate endless thoughts of possibility. I don’t want to ever think that someone truly expressing their love for me has boundaries….basically saying that ‘I love you, but not enough to do all that!’ What a buzz kill!?! Get a lil ‘corny’ black man…..get a lil mushy in how you truly feel about your significant other. This emotional acknowledgement won’t miraculously take away your Y chromosome…I promise! Maybe your theatric performance would’ve been more to the tune of Jagged Edge’s “Let’s Get Married”…..the remix! Perhaps UGK’s “International Player’s Anthem” (a personal fav of mine as well)! The point is, find yourself somewhere in this video clip cuz Lord knows we (black women) deserve some ‘best marriage proposal ever’ moments!

My Near Death Experience

The happiest of Memorial Day Weekends to everyone one! (a.k.a. a much needed 3-day weekend to many of the working class) I actually took my extended weekend a step further by taking a vacay day on Friday so ya girl had a whaaat....4-day "staycay" due in part to the dedicated men and women of the U.S. Armed Forces. #THANKYOU

Now that that's outta the way, I must commence with my usual 'debrief-ifcation' of a recent ocurrence that literally took my breath away! So I went out for a run this afternoon on one of the beautiful greenways of the Queen City. There are a significant number of persons of Indian (from India) descent who also inhabit my small apartment complex community. They mostly keep to themselves and only socialize amongst themselves with the exception of an occasional 'hello' or 'excuse me' on the stairs. Therefore, I know no one's name and am not quite sure of many other details that I haven't learned from simply observing (i.e. which kids belong to which family and which ladies are stay-at-home moms).

Well, one key thing that I have observed is the significant difference in hygiene practices. Now, while I appreciate diversity in many different forms....I don't know if you've ever walked into an enclosed space with 6 full grown Indian men working out on various cardio machines before....but lemme tell you, I've been to the Ringling Bros. and the Universoul Circuses (is that a word?) and niether of those events have anything on the assault to my nostrils that I naively walked into. I've never huffed any substance with the goal of getting high from doing so, but I would imagine that the light-headed feeling that I got as I attempted to 'brave' the setting and run anyway on the treadmill came pretty close to the equivalent of huffing methane gas! This actually happened earlier during the spring months...so fast forward to today's casual afternoon run when I ran up on this 4 person Indian family on the greenway. Mom, Dad, child of about 4 and another baby in the stroller. I was about 50 feet behind the family when I initially began to smell that very distinct scent of curry, patchouli, and plain ole body funk that I have become very familiar with acknowledging as the 'Indian smell.' Mind you, it wasn't windy today! The closer I got to this sweet and unassuming family, the stronger their scent became which propelled me into the run of my life (uphill) because there was no way I was going to remain behind them on the path without my trick knee giving out and then collapsing on the path a la Sophia in The Color Purple after she hit the white man! As I eventually passed them I tried to have a pleasant look on my face, a lil smile to acknowledge that 'I see you and I'm not going to hurt you,' and hold my breath while running uphill....yea, I attempted to do all of that at once! As I looked at the innocent faces of the children, I couldn't help but wonder how much of the odor was being emitted from their sweet little bodies :( You lil funky bastards...bless their hearts! (you know when you say 'bless your heart' after something....it makes it less offensive!)

So I'd just like to go on the record to say that I totally respect cultural differences and I believe people should exist as they wish without judgement from others (barring their not hurting anyone of course). But damn if my sense of smell wasn't a little wounded as my cocky deoderant and body spray wearing ass decided to breath (outside mind you!) while I went for my afternoon jog! Now pardon me while I attempt to stretch out my ham strings that have tightened up tighter than gnat ass after my impromptu uphill sprint this afternoon. #EASYDOESIT