Bus Trip Etiquette 101

As we enter into this last leg of summer 2011, it seems like there just aren't enough hours in a day or days in a week to get in all of the summer fun & frolic that you can while it's still the recognized 'vacay season.' Post mid-August, supervisors seem to start giving you the side eye when you submit leave request forms...as we are out of the official season o' vacays ma'am. Then you begin to come up with some 'randomly strategic' bouts with various illnesses to tap into that 'sick leave'...but I digress! Another very important factor as you plan to indulge in summer activities is keeping an eye on that 'Bank o' YOU.' How can I still take a vacay or a staycay and keep it reasonably cost-effective? Well when I asked myself that question earlier this summer, my answer came in the form of a convenient service called the Megabus.

Now for those of you who are from the Northeast, you may be familiar with a number of bus services that 'shuttle' folks to popular destination sites at almost unbelievably low prices. Well as a southern gal, this concept was fairly new to me yet gave me new optimism to plan various trips this summer! I just completed my second successful Megabus trip and I wanted to weigh in on a few bus trip etiquette 'faux pas' that I have witnessed and/or experienced as a passenger. It's amazing what one is exposed to just as a result of taking any form of public transportation. I'm not a fan of public transportation as my daily means of mobility, but with the price of gas continuing to make my left eye well up with each fill up.....I decided that something's got to give!

BUS TRIP ETIQUETTE FAUX PAS

1. Bus Attendants: Your job is to tend to the passengers. Megabus always provides 2 drivers for each trip to help combat against extreme levels of fatigue for one person. AWESOME! So, as passengers board the bus to begin a trip, 1 should be checking tix while the other assists passengers with placing their bags under the bus. Sir, I understand that you just had to get a few more puffs off of that Newport before starting this bus trip, however, I think I just ruptured, sprained, and dislocated my 106th &107th vertebrae trying to simultaneously bend, lift, and move this piece of luggage onto the bottom of this bus. Please & Thank you in advance. Sidenote: It also pisses me off that you watch me struggle & still don't feel moved to help. *Cue Miss Celie's 2 fingered point..."eeerythang you dun done to me...I already dun done to you."
2. Bus snacks should be just that.....SNACKS! Anything that requires a utensil to consume, anything that is so fragrant it would 'light up' the entire bus as soon as you open the container, anything that you wouldn't want to eat in the car while driving is not an appropriate bus snack. Examples include, but are not limited to: brunswick stew, beef stroganoff, spaghetti, boiled eggs, boiled onions w/ garlic on the side.....you get my drift!
3. Only cuddle and/or lay on the shoulder of those you know. There is nothing worse than waking up with a stranger ever so gently breathing on your neck and clutching your arm as if you are a 'seeing eye' guide. No MF ma'am or sir!
4. Talking on cell phones should be kept to a minimum. The whole bus does not care to know your own personal thoughts about the 'riding on the bus' experience.  Please wait until Gwen & Erma pick you up to let them know how pleased you are with the trip and more importantly the price of the tix.
5. Bring a jacket/blanket/something to wear because the bus may get chilly. Part of the reason bus drivers keep the air pumping is so that they will stay awake and you will then 'arrive alive.' It's just like the movie theatre...it should be understood that you may need a wrap to maintain a decent body temp...otherwise, prepare for your nipples to be as hard as AP Math in China under that lone tank top!
6. If you are sitting in a seat with a stranger and a seat opens up-MOVE! Unless we are traveling together, there's no loyalty with regard to seat occupancy. I can't feel either of my baby toes cuz I'm trying to maintain a respectable stature in my seat beside you....and you ain't tryin to move! No MF ma'am or sir!
7. Once we stop after an extended driving time & you have been to sleep....your breath now stinks! Just because you are not sleep in your bed at the house does not mean that your mouth will not smell bad after dozing off for an hour or so on a bus. Unless 'mesquite open ass' is the flavor on your box of tic tacs with that smell being the goal once consumed...point your eyes at me to let me know you're talking to me but cover your mouth to acknowledge the 'situation' at hand.