They Smile In Yo Face....

I wanna speak on a situation that I had the displeasure of witnessing last Saturday night. The situation that presented itself to my presence was one that you often hear about and may even suspect that you are seeing but may never be able to prove. This time, I had proof....there was no doubt about it....and all I could do was shake my head.

The bond amongst girlfriends should be a tight one. A 'girl lemme check you with a quick cuss down then say I love you' kinda bond. A 'tell your mama I said hello' kinda bond. An 'if we need to ride out, you know I got you' kinda bond. But that's just my opinion. I've been fortunate and blessed to have crossed paths with some of the most amazing, beautiful, giving, intelligent, thoughtful, witty, sassy, and down right 'ride or die' women over the course of my life. More importantly these women saw fit to grace me with the title of 'friend' and I in return did the same. Not the friend title that comes with a user's manual and expiration date, but the friend title that allows you both to learn and teach as you go and just enjoy the journey together for as long as whenever. We. Us. Ours. Together. So I know how it feels to love someone as your very own sister even though different blood may flow through your veins.

I'm sitting in PF Changs on a Saturday night playing 'hostess with the mostess' to some family members who were visiting me for the weekend. The restaurant was jumpin as we first sat down to let our 30 minute wait time commence. As one sits waiting to be seated in a restaurant, you have the opportunity to see a multitude of folks with the same idea you had about places to dine come and go. We had been sitting there for a good 15 minutes when two young ladies entered the restaurant. It looked like a typical 'ladies night out' situation wherein they would eat first and then proceed to a lounge or club type venue (as also alluded to by their outfit choices for the evening). Once they place their names on the waiting list to be seated and then take a seat to wait, another young lady awkwardly and and seemingly discombobulated enters the restaurant and appears to join them. Now this young lady had to be upward of 300 lbs and had managed to 'stuff' herself into some jeggings and a tank top. #PAUSE As she plops down, clearly out of breath and with sweat beads formed across her brow like morning dew....I then get a look at the coup de gras of her outfit for the evening....the shoes! This sista had stuffed (and I do mean stuffed) her feet into a pair of peep toe stilletos which during the walk from the car now made her feet and ankles look like a tube of busted Grands biscuits. Every woman who has put on a pair of stilletos or just regular high heels for that matter knows all of the tricks to use once you actually take your weight off of your feet by having a seat. There's the "heel rock back," wiggling or popping your toes to redistribute the blood flow, a few ankle rolls, etc. But this chick pulled a new one on me.....she actually laid her foot over to the side (like you would try to place the inside of your ankle on the ground). That one dramatic gesture was the equivalent to if she had just yelled out 'FUCK!' after sitting down.

At first I was tickled...but then as I looked at the three of them interact, I became a bit angry at her girlfriends for multiple reasons: A. Allowing her to even purchase some jeggings let alone putting them on at her size....not that a plus-sized woman cannot dress 'en vogue' but unflattering is unflattering all day & night! B. Not even walking in the place with her....as though you weren't with her! I gave them the benny of the doubt on this one since it was crowded. That could've been an innocent 'girl run in and get our name on the list' type move. C. ALLOWING HER TO TORTURE HERSELF WITH THOSE STILETTOS! The fact that she balanced her 'frame' on those stilletos was a feat in and of itself! But if you could've seen her face....she was clearly just struggling to exist in that get up! D. Then you gon start to talk about how to do "The Wobble" and all the fun you are "about to have" later that night.....BITCH, your girl just did the wobble to get up in this restaurant and you know damn well that's the only 'wobblin' she's gone do tonight!?! Stop frontin! It couldn't be more clearer to me that big girl was destined to be on 'purse duty' later that evening.

Fast forward to after dinner and now my fam and I are leaving. As we get into the car and are about to pull off, who is now exiting the building??? Yes, the black Wilson-Phillips. Tell me why the two smaller chicks, again, walking together out of the restaurant get into the passenger seats of this car. And maybe about 10 steps behind them their much larger 'friend' who at this point has officially said "fuck it" by simply carrying her stilletos in her hand and exiting the restaurant barefoot! #PAUSE So these broads have allowed you to set yourself up with this inappropriate outfit, they also seem to come and go without a care as to whether or not you can keep up, AND they're sitting on the passenger side of your ride!?! Lady, you need to run as fast as you can from these leeches! And took off like a bat outta hell too! I was actually impressed by the 'gusto' of that Altima inspite of the circumstances. Cuz that was a lot 'o ass! *Chest bump to the makers of Nissan vehicles!

LADIES! LADIES! LADIES! The bonds between us can be beautiful....but they can also be some of the most toxic of human relationships. I want girlfriends who won't let me wear shoes that make my toes swell up like vienna sausages yet still act like I'm about to dance at a club. I want girlfriends who walk with me when we're all together. I want girlfriends who would be saddened at the thought of me sweating and being out of breath after walking from my car to any establishment's doorway. I want girlfriends who are actually my FRIEND!  BEWARE ladies....all smiles ain't happy and sometimes 'Spring Cleaning' needs to take place year-round.