Ring the Alarm! 2011 MTV VMAs

Soooooooooooooo......after nearly 'sleeping' the fact that this lil shindig was even going on, I have a few thoughts to share. I must say that this year's VMA's were surprisingly not as unbearable as they have been for me over the last few years. I think it was a combination of not really watching MTV shows so I don't know who's popular on the network vs. just random folks at a show....and just growing older and not caring about some of the antics of pop culture that used to once dictate the course of many conversations in my day-to-day. So when I tuned in this year, I was pleasantly (and in some instances...tragically) surprised at how much I was able to follow what was going on! Let's just take it from the top, shall we.....

*Disclaimer: The order of the following commentary in no way reflects the importance nor the order that the thought occurred to me during the show. In other words, here goes my specialty: RANDOM REACTIONS!!!

Nicki Minaj: Le sigh.....now, I'm all for being unique, different, YOU! But sometimes it becomes painfully obvious that you're 'trying' to be this way instead of simply living and this is what happens. It's all about authenticity...your organic self. There was no way in hell that was Nicki's organic self! She look like she had been held captive in Pee Wee's Playhouse which was also the setting for the next season of RuPaul's Drag Race! And was that a stuffed animal of some sort on a leash connected to the outfit!?! No MF ma'am! When did that become a part of 'hip hop?' Once again, there is a new genre emerging that hasn't quite been named or formally recognized yet. But it's 'Pop Hop'...the merging of hip hop undertones with the mainstream appeal (or disdain) of general pop music and culture. Can you imagine if Nicki had worn that to an audition at the same time Queen Latifah was wearing her head dresses and Yo Yo didn't want you to 'play with her?' They'd a been lookin at her like 'is that your final answer?' Food for thought....

Lady (Sir) GaGa: Now, I was watching Lady GaGa in concert in NY on HBO about a month ago and she touched a special place in my heart as she proceeded to cuss out the audience and dare them not to have a good time at her show! I truly appreciate an artist that can call my mama a bitch and make me get on board with the idea before the night is over!?! That's talent right there :) There's a certain amount of 'fuck it' that one has to have in his/her system to pull this off......and clearly her cup has runeth over!!! So fast forward to her VMA 'performance' throughout the entire show, I must admit at first it was kinda funny. Ha ha....GaGa's a dude! But then after like the 5th commercial break, it was like, okay where's she going with this??? Is this her new alter ego? Does he have a name? Buddy GaGa? And why am I slightly intimidated by this persona? Is that simply a testament to her acting ability? And the questions just went on and on.....I also thought she coulda been an extra in Good Fellas in her newly polished persona...but I digress.....

Justin Beiber: Is it me or is Justin Beiber just a bit 'too grown?' I mean, have your lil girlfriend, and after you win you exchange a lil smooch....eeehhh, okay I guess....but it's something about watching him 'play this role' that seems a bit beyond his years. Then he had on his lil Ole St. Nick specs which put me over the top with 'the act.' Dude, be 12 or 13 or however old you are. High five your friends, hug your mom, hop up on stage hit the 'Dougie' and do a forward roll into a half split....okay scratch the split due to the skinny jeans...but you get what I'm saying!?! You have the rest of your life to 'receive' your awards like that.....your old man swag is killin me!!!

Chris Brown: Oh Chris....Chris is pulling out all the stops now with his performances! I must admit, had I been in the actual audience I think I wouldv'e enjoyed his performance a whole lot more. While creative and engaging it also made me a lil dizzy watching the camera follow his Peter Pan ass hoppin back from stage to stage! Damn it Chris, just pop it....lock it....then sit cho ass down somewhere! Geeeeez! I don't know whose trying to 'pimp their youth' more: him or Rihanna with her 'oops, I didn't realize my finger was in your booty and folks are snappin pics' steez! Puh-leeze!?!

Beyonce': I thought Bey looked absolutely adorable and the way she made her announcement was very cute and classy! I'm happy for her and Jay. I'm sure she'll be a very nurturing mother :) And let's be honest, what 'acting career' has she really put on the back burner *crickets..... Congrats girl, let that onsie air out for a spell!

Jay Z & Kanye West: Now, was there a reason why the two of ya'lls old asses come out there lookin like Rudy and Russell from the Cosby Kids Junkyard Band. *Insert a very aggressive 'c'mon son'! How much harder would their performance have been had they come out there in some nice tailored suits, maybe Kanye could've put on one of his blouses and some accessories...some shined up wing-tipped shoes. I mean the song samples Otis Redding for crying out loud! Clearly you both are supposed to represent the 'upper eshelon' of rap artists at this point....#dobetta

Neyo: I think it's painfully obvious that Neyo was bullied in school and now is so happy to be one of the 'cool kids' he doesn't know what to do with himself!?! And if his hats got any smaller they'd be the equivalent to the one worn by Damon Wayans circa '93 while acting in the "Men on Film" sketch on "In Living Color." Wit dat big ass head and them bite-sized hats! *cue Ike Turner's 'back 'o da head' smack

Lil Wayne: Sir, please stop trying to perform a self-inflicted vasectomy with those tight ass pants!?! I mean, you don't need any more kids...but that's no reason to keep your balls suffocated in those denim vice grips you call skinny jeans. And again, I'm waiting on the re-invention of Weezy. No one denies his lyrically prowess, but your presentation of self sucks!?!

Random Chick Singing Other Folks' Songs Going to Commercial Breaks: Do I even have to elaborate? 1. Who the hell? 2. What the hell?  3. Don't you ever try to even hum a note of "No Scrubs" again in your life. 4. What the hell?

Until the next televised debaucle.....