Oh No He Didn't!?! Hell Date Revisited

Oh No He Didn’t!?! Hell Date Revisited

Remember watching Hell Date on BET a few years back? Hell Date, a playful dating show that created and poked fun at some less than ideal first date situations all the while taping how an unsuspecting dater would react to the crazy situations that unfolded. It’s funny how art imitates life…or in this case, how real life actually imitates art. I’ve been on some dates that made me think a little person in a devil suit was going to jump out of the nearest closet and/or Ashton Kutcher was going to present me with release papers to be able to show the episode!

So I’ve taken the liberty to compile a list of some of the craziest, most disrespectful, stupidest, weirdest, and most awkward and inappropriate questions/comments that should never be asked/made on a first date….and in some instances, in life! Whether it's a new friend, acquaintance, or romantic interest...an impression is an impression. Why be a dick for no reason and completely turn someone off who doesn’t even really know you. You’ve only presented them with an inappropriate façade and then expect benny of the doubt?!? Based on what!?! NEEEXXXTT! (my bad, wrong show….and I’m back!) You just never know how paths will cross as time goes on. So keep reading for this compilation because I promise you.....there'll be a lil shart in your pants by the end!?!

So, have you ever been pregnant?
Le sigh….now, it’s one thing to ask whether or not someone has children. But to phrase it this way is sure to be misunderstood and could get various objects thrown at you from across the table! Do you realize all that one could be asking? Maybe I had an abortion in college after a drunken night of bad decision-making……which is none of your business on a first date. Maybe I became pregnant as a result of a rape….which is also none of your business on a first date. Or maybe I miscarried my beloved child just about a month ago and now you asking me this question cuts my emotions to the white meat…..and once again at the end of the day, it’s none of your business on a first date! See the pattern?  The point is to say what you mean and mean what you say. Keep things simple on the first date. My uterine and ovarian activity is waaay too deep of a discussion to have and you don’t even know what drink I’m about to order!

I’m glad you like guns, I wanna show you one of my AK 47s. It’s in my trunk.
#PAUSE Now, immediately, I’m racking my brain because I’m trying to figure out what daily life situation would I just happen to roll up on and then think to myself: “I sure am glad I brought the AK today.” Are you effing kidding me!?! A.) Right before making this statement you also shared that you have a concealed weapons license….that is expired. (and I’m pretty sure assault rifles aren’t covered by the regular citizen’s concealed weapons license anyway!) B.) You did say that you want to show me ONE of your AKs….so there’s another one. Yep. C.) Now, when you pop the trunk…cuz I just gotta put my eye on it to make sure this is still real life….sure enough, the AK is neatly tucked away in a little pouch right along side some picnic blankets, a change of clothes, a kid’s Leap Frog Laptop, and other random shit. True gun collectors keep their guns in a locked cabinet or display case or something. The fact that you shared this with me on the first date as if it’s okay takes me to a level of ratchet that I can’t even wrap my mind around! *Invisible cloak, activate!

Would you consider yourself sexually passive? Again, we’re talking about a FIRST DATE here, so upon hearing this very personal question I immediately shut down. Now if you’re looking for your next ‘maintenance man’ then perhaps getting some of these ‘characteristics’ out on the table as soon as possible is right up your alley. However, if you’re actually looking for a relationship….one that begins on a friendship level and then progresses into a more intimate space then you know what you have to do. Sexually passive? How about simply assertive, and you sir, are dismissed!

My divorce was finalized in April (it’s now December of the same year) and I have two kids ages 2 & 3.

REEEEDDD FLAAAAAGG ON THE PLAAAAAY! Talk about a 5-piece luggage set packed so full of ‘stuff’ that one would have to sit on each piece to finally zip ‘em up! Someone who is fresh out of a divorce AND has multiple children under the age of 5 should not be out on a date just yet. How about dealing with your emotions and figuring out how your family dynamic is going to now work. The ink ain’t dry on the divorce papers and the baby ain’t even pottying consistently but you wanna know what it would be like to meet my folks…..you don’t need to worry bout that playa!

Have you ever been on a date with someone and felt like they were ‘too good’ for you?

I’m gonna go with a no here! Sure, I may have gone out with someone who tapped into an insecurity or two…making me wonder if a dude like him would really be into a lady like me. But I also thought enough of myself NOT to express that to him. I simply played it cool because I know how good of a person I am so he betta ask somebody or it’ll be his loss! If there’s one thing I know, it’s when someone tells you who they are….BELIEVE THEM! Therefore sir, if you believe that I am too good for you (as you inferred with this simple question) then I’m gonna go out on a limb and agree with you! I’m just meeting you, so who am I to see you differently than you see yourself?!?

So what’s your ring size?

Really!?! On a first date!?! Even if I was digging this dude, I would’ve been put off a bit by this question at that time. I’m assuming he wanted to “throw that out there” to let me know he was feeling me.  (*Kanye shrug) Or maybe he was a psychopath with stalking tendencies. (*Kanye shrug) Either way, there are different levels to dating and relationship building and at the ‘first date’ level, less is definitely more. When you have limited knowledge of someone, it’s hard to give their words and actions the benefit of the doubt. And let’s be honest, in this day and age when people can create a totally new identity via the internet, a single gal better air on the side of caution! Put quite simply: flag on the proverbial play!

Now it’s your turn! What have been some of your most memorable ‘WTH first date moments?’ I can’t be the only one getting hit with these doozies!

Featured Articles on Clutch Magazine.com!

Nini is branching out ya'll! The 'randomness' that is Nini has begun to be featured on the popular, provocative, and always entertaining online Clutch Magazine!

Visit www.clutchmagonline.com and check out the following featured articles by Nini Bodine!

 

Are Certain Comments Simply Taboo for the Single Sista?!

 

Obtaining Your Passport to Perspective

 

Ballin on a Budget! Stay-cation Bus Etiquette 101

 

Read, comment, Enjoy!

Where's Our 'Best Marriage Proposal Ever?'

By now, I’m sure you’ve caught wind of the fairly recent buzz around a video on YouTube depicting ‘The Best Marriage Proposal Ever.’ (http://youtu.be/7yNdpaSBTzo) I heard a couple of radio and tv folks mention this vid prior to actually logging on to check it out and when I did…..bring on the ‘water works!’ What a touching display of joy, support, happiness, and most of all love! I was truly moved while watching the intricately choreographed performance. Then my attention shifted to the right side of the screen where similar videos are suggested for me to also watch. As I scrolled through the potential viewings, I noticed one key thing: most parties involved were predominantly white. Where were the people of color professing their love to the world (with the exception of a few folks of Asian descent who clearly hold Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” choreography in high regard!)? Most personally to my heart, where were the black men gushing all over their significant others in the hopes of making their way down someone’s aisle? Is this type of display of love and commitment a ‘white thing?’ Certainly, the all black morning show hosts that I listen to during my morning commute seem to think so. Comments such as: “Now you know a brotha wouldn’t do all that,”  “Most of the time a brotha won’t have that many friends/family who would support his decision to even get married like that,” and then a sistah chimes in “well, my man was romantic with me so I think black men will be romantic in private…but, just not to the world.” I cringed as these statements were made and co-signed with laughter and nonchalant dismissal. Just maybe it’s our mediocre expectations and standards for one another that are the problem! These attitudes (held by both black men and women) are examples of the negative implications that manifest themselves into further corroding the idea of ‘the black family unit.’

As I listened to various DJ’s continue to speak on this topic, one of them mentioned the proposal of Jim Jones to Chrissy on the first season of “Love & Hip Hop.” He brought it up as an example of a black man making a less than heartfelt proposal that was still met with tears of joy from his lady love, I almost wrecked my vehicle! No MF sir!?! I saw that episode and I thought Chrissy was a damn fool leading up to the proposal and during that casual ‘I can take you or leave you-esque’ BS. People give you what you allow them to give to you…whether it’s in the context of a friendship, familial tie, or a romantic relationship. Therefore, even though from the outside looking in, I may think Chrissy ‘deserved’ more….she won’t get it because she is gushing over a man who basically just chest bumped her as a sign of his love and commitment to their relationship!  And don't even get me started on the most recent 'proposal' from Lil Scrappy to Erika on Love & Hip Hop ATL...where the actual question was posed as 'you gon marry a nigga?' These are perfect examples of the acceptance and subsequent expectation of emotional mediocrity that is perpetuated in the black community leaving many women with a ‘less than best marriage proposal’ moment…..if even a proposal at all!

Seemingly long gone are the days of Marvin crooning to Tami about his lack of concern for the height of any mountain on his quest to get to her love…..Stevie just calling to say he loves you…..or Al adamantly professing his tiredness of being alone and needing love. A shift has happened that has completely separated the emotional capabilities of black men in that one cannot simultaneously be a veracious protector and provider while also being tender and loving. I get that it simply may not be in the nature of some men to evenly straddle this emotional spectrum. However, what I am calling out are the cultural messages that both black men and women are simply accepting and expecting that do more harm to our interactions and families than good. I certainly appreciate your efforts behind closed doors in those ‘moments for two,’ but I also appreciate endless thoughts of possibility. I don’t want to ever think that someone truly expressing their love for me has boundaries….basically saying that ‘I love you, but not enough to do all that!’ What a buzz kill!?! Get a lil ‘corny’ black man…..get a lil mushy in how you truly feel about your significant other. This emotional acknowledgement won’t miraculously take away your Y chromosome…I promise! Maybe your theatric performance would’ve been more to the tune of Jagged Edge’s “Let’s Get Married”…..the remix! Perhaps UGK’s “International Player’s Anthem” (a personal fav of mine as well)! The point is, find yourself somewhere in this video clip cuz Lord knows we (black women) deserve some ‘best marriage proposal ever’ moments!

My Near Death Experience

The happiest of Memorial Day Weekends to everyone one! (a.k.a. a much needed 3-day weekend to many of the working class) I actually took my extended weekend a step further by taking a vacay day on Friday so ya girl had a whaaat....4-day "staycay" due in part to the dedicated men and women of the U.S. Armed Forces. #THANKYOU

Now that that's outta the way, I must commence with my usual 'debrief-ifcation' of a recent ocurrence that literally took my breath away! So I went out for a run this afternoon on one of the beautiful greenways of the Queen City. There are a significant number of persons of Indian (from India) descent who also inhabit my small apartment complex community. They mostly keep to themselves and only socialize amongst themselves with the exception of an occasional 'hello' or 'excuse me' on the stairs. Therefore, I know no one's name and am not quite sure of many other details that I haven't learned from simply observing (i.e. which kids belong to which family and which ladies are stay-at-home moms).

Well, one key thing that I have observed is the significant difference in hygiene practices. Now, while I appreciate diversity in many different forms....I don't know if you've ever walked into an enclosed space with 6 full grown Indian men working out on various cardio machines before....but lemme tell you, I've been to the Ringling Bros. and the Universoul Circuses (is that a word?) and niether of those events have anything on the assault to my nostrils that I naively walked into. I've never huffed any substance with the goal of getting high from doing so, but I would imagine that the light-headed feeling that I got as I attempted to 'brave' the setting and run anyway on the treadmill came pretty close to the equivalent of huffing methane gas! This actually happened earlier during the spring months...so fast forward to today's casual afternoon run when I ran up on this 4 person Indian family on the greenway. Mom, Dad, child of about 4 and another baby in the stroller. I was about 50 feet behind the family when I initially began to smell that very distinct scent of curry, patchouli, and plain ole body funk that I have become very familiar with acknowledging as the 'Indian smell.' Mind you, it wasn't windy today! The closer I got to this sweet and unassuming family, the stronger their scent became which propelled me into the run of my life (uphill) because there was no way I was going to remain behind them on the path without my trick knee giving out and then collapsing on the path a la Sophia in The Color Purple after she hit the white man! As I eventually passed them I tried to have a pleasant look on my face, a lil smile to acknowledge that 'I see you and I'm not going to hurt you,' and hold my breath while running uphill....yea, I attempted to do all of that at once! As I looked at the innocent faces of the children, I couldn't help but wonder how much of the odor was being emitted from their sweet little bodies :( You lil funky bastards...bless their hearts! (you know when you say 'bless your heart' after something....it makes it less offensive!)

So I'd just like to go on the record to say that I totally respect cultural differences and I believe people should exist as they wish without judgement from others (barring their not hurting anyone of course). But damn if my sense of smell wasn't a little wounded as my cocky deoderant and body spray wearing ass decided to breath (outside mind you!) while I went for my afternoon jog! Now pardon me while I attempt to stretch out my ham strings that have tightened up tighter than gnat ass after my impromptu uphill sprint this afternoon. #EASYDOESIT

EUREKA! I've Got it!

It seems like every few years, you see some news coverage in some random town USA where folks are 'all riled up' at the thought of public school systems talking to kids about sex. It never fails, I don't care how drastic teen pregnancy or STD transmittal stats are among teens, there still seems to be a segment of the human population that feels that this has nothing to do with young people's lack of education about sex in order to make well-informed and hopefully better decisions for themselves. I was watching Dr. Phil a few weeks ago and he was discussing this with the 'usual suspects' debating the extremes of the issue: the right-winged Pastor who only believes in abstinence-only education and the parent that has allowed their child to do everything under their roof except tape it and sell it on ebay....because 'they'd rather know and provide a safe environment vs. have their kids sneak around and do it anyway." Yea, yea, yea.....I get that, but there has to be some middle of this spectrum to come to a happy compromise for the sake of today's youth. In my opinion, folks who are hardcore abstinence-only education are living in a fantasy. The fantasy that totally disregard's human nature to question, to want to experience, to be curious....just because you wretch at the thought of someone sticking a chic-o-stick up your ass doesn't mean that 15 year old Johnny does and he actually might try that shit if no one has the balls to say "hey Johnny, I see how that may be interesting to you, but you probably wanna re-think that move...and here's why!" That's all sex ed is! Giving young people information that acknowledges all of their feelings and urges, yet helps give them a frame of reference for outcomes if they don't choose wisely. It's not encouraging them to do anything but make better decisions. I don't know about you, but once I saw those pics of STD ridden genitalia, a sis wanted to lock it down for life! Not to mention what would happen to my body during a pregnancy and then how I'd have to push dat bitch out!?! No MF ma'am! And there you have it....a successful informative intervention! Silence has never remedied any problem people...WAKE UP! Deal with the real and quit being punk ass parents, mentors, and community leaders. You had these babies that you knew would grow up and be adults one day now equip them with the tools and knowledge to give a shit, accomplish some shit, and not take any shit! #MESSAGE

The other side of the coin when it comes to young people is this notion of invincibility. "I can do whatever the hell I want and still escape getting caught and going to jail....and hell, if I do, that ain't no big deal!" Lemme repeat, when it's time to intervene and really address young people who are headed down the wrong path, it's not time to be punk ass parents, mentors, or community leaders! Even when I was a teenager and I'd see news coverage of some minor who had committed a crime on the news or a write up in the newspaper...it always pissed me off that they wouldn't say their names or show their faces! WHY!?! Why does this criminal get the luxury of anonymity just because he/she's under 18! Hold these little MF's to the fulleset extent of the law and then maybe...just maybe, you'll think twice the next time you wanna rob a Family Dollar, rape the cashier, and then set the store on fire! And since when is it 'okay' to be in jail! When did this memo go out, because I wasn't on that distribution list! Youth of today don't seem to be phased by the general notion of doing jail or prison time and I'm trying to figure out where that disconnect originated!?!

So what's the solution you may be wondering? Well, it came to me like an epiphany (*cue Chrisette Michele.....sang dat shit girl!?!) 6 words: "Sixteen and Pregnant" & "Beyond Scared Straight." What if viewing of just these two programs, currently airing on MTV and A&E channels, was required of all American students ages 11-16? Clearly, you can't wait to show the Sixteen & Preggers episodes until high school...cuz HELLOOOOO they might be candidates to be on that MF by that time! Again, let's deal with the real. At the very least, these TV programs raise some relevant topics that  force viewers to get a real and uncensored (for the most part) look at the consequences of certain actions (i.e. participating in criminal activity, unprotected sex, disobedience in one's family) and the emotions that will be intertwined that you definitely don't foresee until you run into them like a brick wall (i.e. self esteem, abandonment, isolation, etc.). Now, don't even get me started with the levels of raw intimidation and harassment that the Beyond Scared Straight kids endure. I must say, I enjoy watching every bit of the interaction between the inmates and the 'troubled teens' because it can't get any 'realer.' If you've got a 6'5'' man towering over you and telling you how he's gonna put you in a dress when you arrive to be his 'cellie'.....well, shit, you got some decisions to make! And not only do you have some decisions to make, but you now know the exact consequences to both sides of your decisions. So if you don't mind the thought of being 'Razor Blade's' cellie in a dress...then keep pushin your luck in the streets. It's as simple as that!  While initially my 'train of thought' was a comical one when thinking about these shows, it then became a serious question to me. There's a place for pop culture in education and I think this would be a match like Teena Marie and Rick James! #SQUAREBIZ

You're drunk...aren't you?!?

What a whirlwind the last few months have been in the life of Re! I been working harder than a one legged double-dutch champion on a roller skate, you hear me!?! As a result, my personal life has really suffered because by the time I get home between 9-10pm in the evening, all I want to do is eat, bathe, and collapse! At any rate, one of my temporary responsibilities recently ended and therefore 'freed up' my evenings to get my after work and weekend 'groove' back.

Now it's been a while since I actually met a dude in person, thought there was some chemistry, and then followed up to set up a time to actually get together. It's no secret that I've given online dating a time or two or 15 in the past....but I'm taking a break from 'computer love' and desiring to make good ole fashioned connections with potential suitors right now. So when I started conversing with this really cool guy through my job, I thought....hmmm, yep...this is what it feels like to meet someone in person and then feel like you want to go out with them! Do it girl! DO IT! So we handle the business at hand in both of our professional roles but once we met in person there was definitely a mutual attraction and a bit of chemistry. Now I knew he was a bit younger than me, but not exactly sure how much younger....le sigh

Long story short, we connect on Facebook to become personal acquaintances and then exchange cell numbers. My initial suggestion is that we get together for lunch one day. We work in very close proximity and that seemed like the natural progression. Now, immediately, as he uses my cell # for the first time, his suggestion is that we get together for dinner....eyebrow raised just a smidge...but whatevs. Dinner it is! So we agree to meet at Fridays on Friday nite (typical....LOL). Now, at about 6:20pm that early evening, he calls me saying that he's a bit inebriated.....1st thought: ALREADY!?! But he's still favorable to meeting up so I'm like, okay, he's probably at the bar with co-workers and has had a few...no biggie.

Fast forward to him actually showing up for me to look him in the eyes.....this dude is DRUNK! Not tipsy. Not nice. DRUNK! By the way, he says he's 26 initially...but with further conversation, he's 25 about to be 26. #killyaself  *Inner thoughts: Re, just get through the date. Don't be so quick to judge. Just talk to him. So while I'm asking questions like: So where are you from orignially? Do you have siblings? Favorite foods here at Fridays? This dude is hittin me with, so why are you single? Do you consider yourself sexually passive? #PAUSE ("Re to Re" moment: Did he really just ask you that? HELLZ YEA he did? Now this  confirms that there are obviously narcotics involved in this interaction as well as alcohol!) So while I '2-step' and 'Dougie' around this bullshit line of questioning. I lay out very clearly what I'm looking for....a relationship....1 dude....a life sharer....no BS! Meanwhile, dude across from me is like, weeeell, I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship right now, but I'm definitely looking for companionship...someone I can do things with since I'm new to the city....someone I can chill over their house, they can chill over mine....I'm very affectionate (RED FLAG)...I like to cuddle and kiss (RED FLAGS)....I'm a real 'touchy feely' type of guy (RED FLAAAAAAG)! My response: That's nice, well with me, patience is going to be of the essence. Please & thank you! So you show up drunk and now you're basically telling me you wanna watch my cable and occassionally have sex!?! Yep, that's pretty much the summation. Le sigh....

Now while all of this engaging and well thought out conversation is going on, dude is so drunk that his eyes begin to casually roll back in his head as he's trying to look me in the eye! Turns out, he had 9 BEERS before he even got within my eye's view! And now, you're sipping on this Patron Margarita (which you took the liberty to order for me as well.....and it woulda actually been cute if you were my dude....but you sir don't know me from a can of pork & beans but I digress...). So now, here comes the coup de gras of the entire evening.....Dude: So after dinner, we can head back to your place and chill, right?!? Oh tiny grasshoppa....you couldn't be more wrong! As he gives the customary "I mean, I'll understand if you say no, but I'm hoping you'll say yes" shpeel....I had to shut it down like the Post Office at 5pm. (*Inner Ratchet Re: Oh, he got me fucked up! Go where? Now I FURTHER know that there are narcotics and maybe even some barbituates involved!).

I think what has been born out of this experience for me is to compile a list of some of the craziest, most disrespectful, stupidest, weirdest, most awkward, and most inappropriate questions that should never be asked on a first date with someone...and in some instances, at all....in life! Whether it's a new friend, aquaintance, or romantic interest...an impression is an impression so don't be a dick for no reason and completely 'turn off' someone who could really become a blessing to you. You just never know how paths cross as time goes on....so stay tuned for this compilation because I promise you.....there'll be a lil shart in your pants by the end!?! #LEGO!

Just Some Ish I Wanna Get Off My Chest Plate!?!

2012 has started off with a bang and overall, I'm pretty effin happy with the way the year has rolled out! I've got big plans for this year including more traveling, making significant strides with my writing, and just continuing to be the best RE that I can be! So of course along the way theres's gonna be times when I just need to outwardly express some of my thought processes and shit that just out right gets on my nerves....so that I can continue to let HIM use me ;) Thas right I said it and you just read it correctly!?! Anyhoo, the following 'accounts' will be random....yep, thas all I got....LEGO!

Chris Brown
Dear Brotha Brown,
As a human being, you are indeed allowed to fuck up royally in this beautiful nightmare called life. Whoopin RihRih down like a purse snatcher was pretty horrible and in a category of fuckery all by itself. But let's be clear....everyone falls short and deserves a chance to redeem themselves. That may have been your first major life mistake but it probably won't be your last. The key is to simply 'do betta.' Now that I got dat 'big pic' humanity shit out the way.....lemme now go into my urge to set his pop lockin red ass on fire!?! LETS BE CLEAR.....if 'the world' was "out to get you" Chris, you would never even be allowed back to attend the Grammy's let alone to perform (not once, but twice) THEN you actually win a Grammy in a category over Artists like Ledisi & Kelly Price (not the biggest Kelly fan, but her first album got me through a few occassions & her voice is undeniable)!?! See where I'm going with this? If anything, 'the world' has conspired to give you multiple chances to redeem yourself yet in the face of the slightest opposition, you take it upon yourself to promptly commence to talkin shit cuz the lil gold plate at the bottom of a Grammy has your punk ass name etched in it. TOO SOON CHRIS! Rihanna still got scar tissue forming on her damn 'five-head' and now it's the ultimate taboo to say anything bad about Chris Brown cuz you been picking up litter on the side of the road and cleanning grafitti off bridges and overpasses! PUH-LEEZE! A.) You need to get used to the fact that a decision you made secured you're life appetizer of humble pie until whenever.... B.) You can't tell others how to view you or what to say about you....all you can do (if you are genuinely sorry and have really learned from your 'mistake') is be betta...eventually, folk will have no choice but to respect you for your actions....not words, but actions. C.) What you will NOT do is now pop off at the mouth with some axe to grind cuz someone said 'you suck!'....Shit if that's how they feel, how you think they feel now that you've said their mama got one leg and a kick stand!?! Fall back, keep makin ur lil push pop songs with overtly sexual inuendo that are surely contributing to the new cases of HPV being detected in middle-high school aged girls, and just be happy you still have a means to collect some significant checks....cuz no one gives a fuck that you don't like that we don't give a fuck!?!

Now who run it!?!

Straight No Chaser


Oprah's OWN
Slowly but surely, I'm slipping into a love coma with OWN. At first I experienced significant bitterfication at the fact that OWN launched and we were about a month in and The Women of Brewster Place had not aired. In my mind, that just seemed like something I would surely be able to catch on that network at any given moment (alone with The Color Purple of course). But after I got over 'my vision' for OWN and began to embrace the programming that is actually present, I discovered some jewels of knowlege and pearls of wisdom each time I took the time to be engaged! Oprah's Life Class is a series that is damn near life changing. I can't even recall the number of times I've watched one of these episodes and cried like a preemie in a basket on a doorstep!?! Such thought provoking conversations and questions. You are seriously doing yourself an injustice to not watch this show. Oprah's Master Class is another series that packs a powerful 'punch' as she profiles the lives and accomplishments of extraordinary individuals that' sure to inspire and energize you to do whatever it is you want to do. As I watched Oprah's Oscar Special last evening where she sat down with Jonah Hill (Money Ball), Viola Davis, and Octavia Spencer (The Help) to talk with them about their recent nominations. I found myself in awe of Viola Davis as she spoke her truth to Oprah's questions. I'm a very passionate and opinionated person (even as a little person, I liked ish in a certain way and that's the way it was.....the fuck you mean ain't no cheese on this sandwich!?!....I digress...) so as I watched and listened to Viola speak and interact with Oprah I was mesmerized by the intensity with which she answered the questions. I believed her, you know? So needless to say, she's officially been added to my ever growing list of sheroes :) OWN: get into it ASAP!

The Game....
Sucks ass chips & fart dust.

Brandy & Monica's New Song
This is like re-hashing the beef between JJ Fad & Salt N Pepa...it's over, the appeal and motivation to give a shit is gone. Go book Jumpin Joeys for da babies & order some nachos!

TI & Tiny
While Tiny seems like a cool chick...even fun to be around, I can't ignore that her face makes me want to close my eyes so tight that they hurt and begin to water. #realtalk God bless you TI. And lil King needs his backporch dusted off and turnt all shades of red! Take dat ass in the bathroom and you know the rest....

New Food Obsession!!!
I visited one of my favorite stores in the world a couple of nights ago, Trader Joes, and decided I wanted to try something 'new.' I have a very eclectic palate that appreciates spice and other non-traditional delicacies such as avocado, edomame, and pickled beets (LOOOOOVE THOSE!). Trader Joes never lets me down to give me something new and different to try! A couple of days ago, I was browsing there and stumbled upon some dark chocolate covered edomame. Talk about 'feelin like breakdancing!?!' I'm totally in love with this pretty nutritious snack and have been munching ever since. I also picked up some beet & purple carrot juice that I've been throwin back like 'Lil Hugs'....don't act like you don't know what a lil hug is *lips to the side :) So yes, these two newly found pieces of  'aaaahh...and sho you right' will definitely continue to make their way into my cupboards! Trader Joes: get into it ASAP!

Today I Didn't Even Have to Use My AK.....

2012!!! Whas goodie blog-o-sphere!?! Well, it's a new year...a time of reflection on the recent past while also looking ahead to the immediate future. So what should I leave behind in 2011 or maybe 'keep on pushin' into 2012? Lemme tell you how first on the list of 'things' to leave in 2011 is my proverbial 'fishing pole.' Well, maybe not leave it totally, but definitely lean it up against the proverbial 'pier' for a while. I'm speaking, of course, of my uploaded profile onto plentyoffish.com....

I shared that I was doing the online dating thing in some previous posts. And while one expects to run across some randomness...some foolishness....and even a lil fuckery, ultimately you want to remain optimistic that folks on the other end of these profiles are who they say they are. Afterall, I'm on the site and I'm not desperate....or psychotic....or crazy....well, at least not the 'bad' kinda crazy ;) But you hope to potentially make a genuine connection with someone and maybe begin to call them 'boo' or a nick name of some sort. Simply another means of meeting folks in this day and age, right!?! The following account will give you multiple layers of inspiration for my  recent 'fishing' hiatus. I can't make this shit up...so as you read, every time you feel like saying to yourself: "this can't be real life,".....IT IS! MY LIFE!

I had been conversing with this particular guy for a couple of weeks...mostly messenging back and forth across the computer, but we had the opportunity to have one phone conversation prior to him asking to meet me for a drink after work. No big 'red flags' from the phone convo, so why not! I did have significant reservations about the fact that he shared that he was divorced with two young children, but I'm trying to be open and non-judgemental.  *rolls eyes so hard they hurt So we agree to meet....fasten your seatbelts....

Turns out, this dude's divorce has just been finalized since the previous April (it's now December) and his children are ages 2 & 3! WTF! This shit is fresh as Orbitz....why are you even trying to 'entertain' new ladies at this time? So I ask, with his kids being so young, how is his relationship with his ex-wife? He goes on to tell me that he was once in the military and right before the first time he was deployed over seas, his (then) girlfriend got pregnant. So to 'do the right thing,' he marries her knowing that he doesn't love her. So he's away and they begin to discuss how getting a divorce may be best once he returns to the states. Yet, when he returns, instead of concentrating on proceeding with this decision...yep, you guessed it...she becomes pregnant again. So that's how you end up with two kids under the age of 5 and some divorce papers with wet ink. He seemed to be very self-conscious about his situation as well. Asking me, if he was to meet my family, would they 'go in' on him and his situation. Uuuhhh sir, you don't have to worry about that!

So a few more interesting tidbits throughout our hour and a half spent at the restaurant:

• I have one cocktail and 'nurse' that throughout our conversation....dude throws back 3 whole beers and goes to the restroom 3 different times!
• He asked me if I ever talked to a person and felt like that person was 'too good' for me....HUGE RED FLAG! Right then, I let him know that when folk tell me shit like that, I believe them. You know you...I'm just meeting you, so if you feel like I'm too good for you....hey, thanks for your honesty and I'll see you at the crossroads!
• We speak about going to the gun range and how I find it a stress reliever and am favorable to going...not weirded out by guns. He gets all excited and begins to tell me that he 'carries' and has a small gun collection. *Turns out, he's carrying a conceled weapon (.45 caliber) on an expired out of state license...-_- Really?!?
• CLIMAX: As we walk out of the restaurant, he goes: "hey, I wanna show you something, it's in my trunk...I got one of my AK 47s." PAUSE.  I had to put my eye on it cuz I just couldn't wrap my mind around someone having an assault rifle just lying in their trunk....along with the baby's Leap Frog laptop, some picnic blankets, some motor oil, a change of drawls, and all types of other random shit. What situation in daily life would you roll up on and think to yourself, 'I sure am glad I brought the AK wit me today!?!' There's no way in hell I'm rollin ANYWHERE with you!

So as a result of this latest 'catch' that I gladly 'threw back,' I decided to take a break from the online dating game. Honestly, I had become quite board with the whole process and really need something 'new' in my life. I want to try to meet some eligibles 'the old fashion way.' Looks like I won't be shopping for just groceries at the market these days ;)