What a whirlwind the last few months have been in the life of Re! I been working harder than a one legged double-dutch champion on a roller skate, you hear me!?! As a result, my personal life has really suffered because by the time I get home between 9-10pm in the evening, all I want to do is eat, bathe, and collapse! At any rate, one of my temporary responsibilities recently ended and therefore 'freed up' my evenings to get my after work and weekend 'groove' back.
Now it's been a while since I actually met a dude in person, thought there was some chemistry, and then followed up to set up a time to actually get together. It's no secret that I've given online dating a time or two or 15 in the past....but I'm taking a break from 'computer love' and desiring to make good ole fashioned connections with potential suitors right now. So when I started conversing with this really cool guy through my job, I thought....hmmm, yep...this is what it feels like to meet someone in person and then feel like you want to go out with them! Do it girl! DO IT! So we handle the business at hand in both of our professional roles but once we met in person there was definitely a mutual attraction and a bit of chemistry. Now I knew he was a bit younger than me, but not exactly sure how much younger....le sigh
Long story short, we connect on Facebook to become personal acquaintances and then exchange cell numbers. My initial suggestion is that we get together for lunch one day. We work in very close proximity and that seemed like the natural progression. Now, immediately, as he uses my cell # for the first time, his suggestion is that we get together for dinner....eyebrow raised just a smidge...but whatevs. Dinner it is! So we agree to meet at Fridays on Friday nite (typical....LOL). Now, at about 6:20pm that early evening, he calls me saying that he's a bit inebriated.....1st thought: ALREADY!?! But he's still favorable to meeting up so I'm like, okay, he's probably at the bar with co-workers and has had a few...no biggie.
Fast forward to him actually showing up for me to look him in the eyes.....this dude is DRUNK! Not tipsy. Not nice. DRUNK! By the way, he says he's 26 initially...but with further conversation, he's 25 about to be 26. #killyaself *Inner thoughts: Re, just get through the date. Don't be so quick to judge. Just talk to him. So while I'm asking questions like: So where are you from orignially? Do you have siblings? Favorite foods here at Fridays? This dude is hittin me with, so why are you single? Do you consider yourself sexually passive? #PAUSE ("Re to Re" moment: Did he really just ask you that? HELLZ YEA he did? Now this confirms that there are obviously narcotics involved in this interaction as well as alcohol!) So while I '2-step' and 'Dougie' around this bullshit line of questioning. I lay out very clearly what I'm looking for....a relationship....1 dude....a life sharer....no BS! Meanwhile, dude across from me is like, weeeell, I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship right now, but I'm definitely looking for companionship...someone I can do things with since I'm new to the city....someone I can chill over their house, they can chill over mine....I'm very affectionate (RED FLAG)...I like to cuddle and kiss (RED FLAGS)....I'm a real 'touchy feely' type of guy (RED FLAAAAAAG)! My response: That's nice, well with me, patience is going to be of the essence. Please & thank you! So you show up drunk and now you're basically telling me you wanna watch my cable and occassionally have sex!?! Yep, that's pretty much the summation. Le sigh....
Now while all of this engaging and well thought out conversation is going on, dude is so drunk that his eyes begin to casually roll back in his head as he's trying to look me in the eye! Turns out, he had 9 BEERS before he even got within my eye's view! And now, you're sipping on this Patron Margarita (which you took the liberty to order for me as well.....and it woulda actually been cute if you were my dude....but you sir don't know me from a can of pork & beans but I digress...). So now, here comes the coup de gras of the entire evening.....Dude: So after dinner, we can head back to your place and chill, right?!? Oh tiny grasshoppa....you couldn't be more wrong! As he gives the customary "I mean, I'll understand if you say no, but I'm hoping you'll say yes" shpeel....I had to shut it down like the Post Office at 5pm. (*Inner Ratchet Re: Oh, he got me fucked up! Go where? Now I FURTHER know that there are narcotics and maybe even some barbituates involved!).
I think what has been born out of this experience for me is to compile a list of some of the craziest, most disrespectful, stupidest, weirdest, most awkward, and most inappropriate questions that should never be asked on a first date with someone...and in some instances, at all....in life! Whether it's a new friend, aquaintance, or romantic interest...an impression is an impression so don't be a dick for no reason and completely 'turn off' someone who could really become a blessing to you. You just never know how paths cross as time goes on....so stay tuned for this compilation because I promise you.....there'll be a lil shart in your pants by the end!?! #LEGO!
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