By now, I’m sure you’ve caught wind of the fairly recent buzz
around a video on YouTube depicting ‘The Best Marriage Proposal Ever.’ (http://youtu.be/7yNdpaSBTzo) I heard a
couple of radio and tv folks mention this vid prior to actually logging on to
check it out and when I did…..bring on the ‘water works!’ What a touching
display of joy, support, happiness, and most of all love! I was truly moved
while watching the intricately choreographed performance. Then my attention
shifted to the right side of the screen where similar videos are suggested for
me to also watch. As I scrolled through the potential viewings, I noticed one key
thing: most parties involved were predominantly white. Where were the people of
color professing their love to the world (with the exception of a few folks of
Asian descent who clearly hold Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” choreography in
high regard!)? Most personally to my heart, where were the black men gushing
all over their significant others in the hopes of making their way down
someone’s aisle? Is this type of display of love and commitment a ‘white
thing?’ Certainly, the all black morning show hosts that I listen to during my
morning commute seem to think so. Comments such as: “Now you know a brotha
wouldn’t do all that,” “Most of the time
a brotha won’t have that many friends/family who would support his decision to
even get married like that,” and then a sistah chimes in “well, my man was
romantic with me so I think black men will be romantic in private…but, just not
to the world.” I cringed as these statements were made and co-signed with
laughter and nonchalant dismissal. Just maybe it’s our mediocre expectations
and standards for one another that are the problem! These attitudes (held by
both black men and women) are examples of the negative implications that
manifest themselves into further corroding the idea of ‘the black family unit.’
As I listened to various DJ’s continue to speak on this
topic, one of them mentioned the proposal of Jim Jones to Chrissy on the first
season of “Love & Hip Hop.” He brought it up as an example of a black man
making a less than heartfelt proposal that was still met with tears of joy from
his lady love, I almost wrecked my vehicle! No MF sir!?! I saw that episode and
I thought Chrissy was a damn fool leading up to the proposal and during that
casual ‘I can take you or leave you-esque’ BS. People give you what you allow
them to give to you…whether it’s in the context of a friendship, familial tie,
or a romantic relationship. Therefore, even though from the outside looking in,
I may think Chrissy ‘deserved’ more….she won’t get it because she is gushing
over a man who basically just chest bumped her as a sign of his love and
commitment to their relationship! And don't even get me started on the most recent 'proposal' from Lil Scrappy to Erika on Love & Hip Hop ATL...where the actual question was posed as 'you gon marry a nigga?' These
are perfect examples of the acceptance and subsequent expectation of emotional
mediocrity that is perpetuated in the black community leaving many women with a
‘less than best marriage proposal’ moment…..if even a proposal at all!
Seemingly long gone are the days of Marvin crooning to Tami
about his lack of concern for the height of any mountain on his quest to get to
her love…..Stevie just calling to say he loves you…..or Al adamantly professing
his tiredness of being alone and needing love. A shift has happened that has
completely separated the emotional capabilities of black men in that one cannot
simultaneously be a veracious protector and provider while also being tender
and loving. I get that it simply may not be in the nature of some men to evenly
straddle this emotional spectrum. However, what I am calling out are the
cultural messages that both black men and women are simply accepting and
expecting that do more harm to our interactions and families than good. I
certainly appreciate your efforts behind closed doors in those ‘moments for
two,’ but I also appreciate endless thoughts of possibility. I don’t want to
ever think that someone truly expressing their love for me has
boundaries….basically saying that ‘I love you, but not enough to do all that!’
What a buzz kill!?! Get a lil ‘corny’ black man…..get a lil mushy in how you
truly feel about your significant other. This emotional acknowledgement won’t miraculously
take away your Y chromosome…I promise! Maybe your theatric performance would’ve
been more to the tune of Jagged Edge’s “Let’s Get Married”…..the remix! Perhaps
UGK’s “International Player’s Anthem” (a personal fav of mine as well)! The
point is, find yourself somewhere in this video clip cuz Lord knows we (black
women) deserve some ‘best marriage proposal ever’ moments!
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